Klaus Breyer

B2B SaaS Product & Tech Leadership
Move Fast And Break Silos!

Advice Trap, Michael Bungay Stanier, 2020

Leadership isn’t about always having the answers—it’s about asking the right questions. Here’s what I’ve learned about taming the impulse to give advice too quickly and fostering meaningful growth through curiosity.

1. Why Advice Fails

Advice doesn’t work for two reasons:

  1. You’re solving the wrong problem. The real challenge often lies deeper than the surface issue.

  2. You’re offering a mediocre solution, one that limits others’ growth and creativity.

2. Recognize Your Advice Monster

We all have an advice monster lurking, triggered by different motivations:

  • Tell-It: You feel like the smartest person in the room and rush to move things forward. This limits the team’s potential.
  • Save-It: You take responsibility for solving everything, robbing others of ownership.
  • Control-It: You fear chaos and hold on too tightly, preventing others from learning to self-manage.

3. Replace Advice with Empowerment

Shift from reactive advice to deliberate support:

  • Tell-It: Share knowledge selectively and only when it’s truly helpful.
  • Save-It: Help others make their own decisions instead of solving problems for them.
  • Control-It: Trade control for engagement by delegating decisions and responsibilities.

4. Ask Better Questions

Great coaching starts with simple, powerful questions:

  • “What’s on your mind?”
  • “What’s the real challenge here for you?”
  • “What do you want?”
  • “What was most useful for you in this conversation?”

Stick to open-ended questions, embrace silence, and truly listen to the answers.

5. Make Coaching a Habit

Being coach-like doesn’t require dedicated sessions. Every interaction can be an opportunity:

  • In meetings, frame the agenda as a series of questions.
  • In 1:1s, focus on long-term goals rather than day-to-day updates.
  • Give feedback that encourages reflection and growth.

6. When to Give Advice

Sometimes advice is necessary, but approach it deliberately:

  • Define it: Announce that you’re giving advice.
  • Diminish it: Acknowledge you could be wrong.
  • Deliver it: Offer it clearly and concisely.
  • Debrief it: Ask, “Did that help? Does this idea spark something new for you?”